Cycles
All experiences appear in cycles. In any given moment, the one with the most intensity captures our attention. Yet in and of itself, no experience has any intensity at all. What gives an experience intensity then? That would be the sheer energy and power of our attention. Managing our attention to flow toward that which nurtures us, instead of that which does not, can then be seen as a highly valuable skill. A skill we already have, and like any other skill, when we practice it, our ability to use it heightens.
The first part of a successful practice of focusing our attention deliberately, is to ask ourselves. “Am I willing?” Am I willing to gain mastery in focusing my attention on that which nurtures me? It’s either yes, or no. Anything other than a clear yes, or a clear no, is a no. Always. If the answer is yes, great. If the answer is no, great. Either way, it’s okay. We are using the ‘tell the truth now, tell the truth later’ practice of A Course In Shamanism™ here.
Mind will rebel against this practice with anger, pain, thoughts of revenge and retaliation, as it plays the victim card every time. “Well, they did that to me, so I have the right to focus my attention on how painful, how hurtful it was, and how much I am suffering over it.” Mind does this even with innocuous situations that are in reality, completely non-threatening. When truth is, it’s usually only Mind that makes us hurt, suffer, and be in pain, with Its reaction of obsession over what happened. The event itself hardly had that power.
Case in point. I pulled up to the Post Office, and there was a car the same color as mine sitting there. I have been having warranty issues with paint peeling, so I thought to go up to the driver and ask if they had received the recall yet. It’s a very specific color, and if the car wasn’t that color, I wouldn’t have even noticed it. I didn’t know who was driving, I just wanted to see if others were in a similar situation and compare notes. When I got to the window I noticed a young girl, with a German Shepherd in the back, texting on her phone. I was about to ask what year her car was, when without even looking at my face, she rolled up the window which had been down about an inch, locked her door, and refused to look at me, then after a bit more texting, drove off. I simply walked away, not wanting to upset her any further, amazed at the reaction.
What I was more amazed at was my obsessive reaction. “What was wrong with her? Why did she do that? I only had good intentions! I am safe. What was her problem?” And then feelings and thoughts of retaliation and anger over her being so rude, so uncompassionate to a stranger who only wanted to ask a question, not wanting anything from her in particular. I go up to strangers and start conversations all the time. It’s just my nature. Therefore, I was justified in being upset, after all! I certainly was. Yet this whole reactive scenario happened only in Mind, and only through the focusing of attention on thoughts, feelings, and emotions, that were not nurturing. Truth was, I didn’t have a clue as to her reasons for shutting me out, in fact, they were none of my business at all. I won’t speculate either.
Instantly, every single instance of rejection and shunning that ever happened in my life from anyone, came up. Including my grief over my youngest estranged son. Ex-wives who abandoned me. Friends who disappeared. Feelings of being disrespected and ignored flooded into me. All this, from an interaction with a complete stranger that had nothing to do with me personally at all, other than I happened to be there, asking a question at that time. My feelings of hurt lasted for hours, as I went over and over and over what I could have done ‘differently’ in order to have not been so totally shunned. The answer to that? Nothing. Because it happened exactly the way it did, and that’s it. History cannot be changed, only our relationship to it.
How did I shift into a more nurturing mode then? How did I shift my relationship to the event? By relying on The Loving Process© to give me access to my ability to focus on what was nurturing for me. In this case, what was and is nurturing for me, was to tell the truth. It always is. Truth was, I had no inherent right to just go up to her and talk, and she owed me nothing. And the sheer amount of reactive garbage that came up for me had nothing to do with her. It was also okay that all this stuff coming up felt so bad, because that was how I felt about it coming up. It’s always okay to feel that way, because that’s the way you are feeling. Whatever way you are feeling, it’s okay. I will never ‘enjoy’ being ignored, whatever the reason and that too is okay.
Had it not been for the power of The Loving Process© which through practicing it, allowed me to gain access to my nurturing side, I would not have been able to integrate my negative focus in a way that took a whole slew of darknesses and finally brought them into the light. And every new time that is done, it certainly feels a whole lot lighter!
Is this the last time Mind will react negatively to something so random, with fear, anger, and thoughts of retaliation for ‘victimizing’ It? Most likely not. Hardly. Yet with each turn of the cycle of obsession and playing the victim card, a new, more nurturing way of adjusting my focus comes into play. Where once I obsessed for months over an event, now it’s just hours. Quite an improvement wouldn’t you say? I am now looking for the ‘ten second’ obsessive reaction. Not to never obsess, because that isn’t likely to happen, but to reduce the time of it. To manage my attention in the most nurturing way possible so that I am taken care of. And to remind you that you can do this too, so that you are taken care of when things like this happen in your life as well, and they will.
Because it is possible to do so. For me, and for you. To be that nurturing for yourself. If you can be that non-nurturing, then it stands to reason that you can also shape shift into being the exact opposite.
The power you have.
Love and Light, Tom.